I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
