Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
