Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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