This is not my ceiling
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
