He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
