that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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