you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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