Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So apparently I’m into choking now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
