I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
