Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize