the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
