Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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