dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
