Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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