I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
