Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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