dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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