I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
