Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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