I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
