I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize