Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
