i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
