wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
