his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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