I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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