That's intense
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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