I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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