Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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