Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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