And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
