This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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