it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
