It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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