The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
