its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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