Soap is not a condiment
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
