I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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