You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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