I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
