Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
