I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
