I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
