i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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