Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
