so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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