I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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