I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're a waste of cheezeits
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
