Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
