i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
