I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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