I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
