Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
