so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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