I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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