I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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