biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There r osticjed everywhere
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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