maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
