shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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