is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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