Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
