3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize