Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
