I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I party with great urgency now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
