I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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