I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
