Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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